Working it out

This past week my mother-in-law* died.  So, I will begin by freely admitting, I am working some stuff out.  Working out some stuff with God, working out some questions, working on some anger and heartache in my heart.

She died young of a rare disease - one in a million 'they' said  (creuzfedt-jakob disease).  The percentages don't matter.  The fact that she's gone matters.  The truth that she left behind 6 grandchildren under the age of 13 matters.  Left behind a daughter and a son and a husband....it matters.  A lot.

People have been wrestling with the age-old question of, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" forever.  Or for that matter, why do bad things happen to people who do bad things?  If God is such a good and loving God, then.... why doesn't God just do something?

It's natural to pose this question at times of crisis in out lives.  I've heard people say that asking, "Why" is the wrong question.  I get why they say it's wrong, but I think it's inevitable.

Because, the truth is, when you're the person who's life is failing apart, who feels like you can't possibly face crawling into bed and sleeping alone for the rest of your life, or when you're the person who can't call your best friend anymore or when you're the bright-eyed child who has one less grandparent today you're going to ask "Why?"  Why ask why?  Because we need to - at least I do and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this.

Sometimes I joke about feeling like Job when a slew of bad things happen to me.  If you remember, Job is the guy in the Bible who does everything right.  He loves God, he follows the commandments, he lives an upright life (he probably eats his greens beans and keeps his sodium intake low too).  And yet, his life is filled with horrendous despair.  He loses his house, his animals, his family...everything.  In my opinion, Job gets to ask, "Why?  Why me, God?"  I mean, I would.

But his friends, oooo, his friends make me so mad.  His friends say, "Why?" and point fingers.  They decide surely Job has done something to deserve his pain and suffering.  Instead of asking Job, "How can we help, my friend," they leave him alone in  his torment.

Ultimately, the "why" is really unhelpful, but most of us need to ask it.  But for those of us who aren't lost in a pool of tears, we should consider asking ourselves, "How can I help?"

Because, I am really sorry, but I cannot answer the question of "Why?"  I just don't know...  I know the God I love and worship and trust doesn't plague this world with war and disease and sadness as justice, but I sure know it exists.  I may be a pastor, but the only thing I know to say when people's worlds are falling apart is "I'm sorry".  There are very few words to say besides that.

I hugged a lot of people this past weekend and said a lot of, "I'm sorry's."  And then I heard about a young man at my home congregation who committed suicide.  Why?  My heart broke for his family.  "Unfair!" my head and heart screamed.  Yes, unfair and awful, but to leave it there - leave it at 'why did this  happen' is unfair too.

So, as the "why's" rumbled around in my head I remembered the people who had surrounded my mother-in-law's family.  They got through constantly caring for her because people answered the question of "how" with food, with phone calls, with hugs, with laundry....  They got through the death because they responded by loving, by crying, by holding hands.  I can only hope that in these coming days that we remember to keep on responding....

Because, here's what I think - I think that in some ways God ultimately told Satan he was done playing games with him when Jesus came to earth.  Satan can taunt us and death may still haunt us, but God in Jesus has definitively answered the questions of: why? how? and what?

Why did this happen?  I don't know, but I do know why it will get better.  God promises to be as present in death as in life.

How can this be?  I don't know, but I do know how it will get better.  God is amazingly gracious and will send comfort in and through unexpected people.

What will I do?  I don't know, but I do know that you may only have to open your hands.  I do know that what will happen will be different than what you envisioned and that God will be in it with you.

And, if you are someone who is currently ok, currently able to breathe deeply and see straight, then I know that you will be called upon to help God with the why's and how's and what's of this world.  Don't shy away because there are people sitting next to you who need to know the gracious, unwavering, unyielding presence of God.

As I said to someone when I was the person who didn't know why or how or what....God with skin.  Sometimes that's what we need.  Be that - be God with skin to someone.  It just might make all the difference in that person's world.

Still working it all out.... with God and you.

*[author's note: I am divorced, however, I have not yet learned how to make myself stop loving people who have been part of my life for 20 years, nor do I plan on ever learning how to stop loving someone.  So, technically speaking....my 'ex' mother-in-law, but I'll never think of her that way.]