Many people asked me, "What are you going to do?"
I had big plans:
massage and pedicure
volunteering in classrooms
just being a mom for a few days
checking things off my 'to do' list
and unpacking, organizing, shopping, running, reading.
Not very many of those things sounds that great (except of course the massage and shopping part...), but some of the things on my 'to do' list that I tackled were things like: finding a dentist and making appointments, dealing with my taxes (double YUCK!), hanging up pictures, getting stuff together so I can go to the DMV (affectionately known as the 9th ring of hell).
None of these are fun. They are the kinds of things which I push to the bottom of my list every single week and they are the pieces which make me feel like I never have enough time to get things done. They are the things that when I am already too busy and I see those sitting at the bottom of my list I feel over-whelmed.
This week, I took time to deal with these things. I despised some of the things I did on 'staycation,' but I made myself tackle at least one thing I had let go each day, even if it was just making a phone call. However, now as I look at my list, with all the fresh new check marks I smile. My list is shorter and I feel lighter.
My house is starting to feel like a home.
If we get sick or need a dentist....we have someplace to go now.
I took control of my finances.
I saw friends and allowed myself to have fun.
So often what happens when I go on vacation is I go to escape. It's nice to pretend like all those burdensome pieces of life aren't really there. It's nice to leave sometimes. Next vacation I hope to be sipping a soda on a sandy beach with the wind whipping through my hair....but this year I needed to stay.
I needed to stay and find me again.
What has made all the difference this week is - in staying, I am no longer stuck.
Sometimes we may equate 'stay' with being in one place or being stuck. Staying and facing things allows us not to be stuck.
I breathed deeper than I had in a long time. I prayed more than I had in a long time. I cooked more than I had in a long time. I 'stayed' with me.... and that's a hard thing for many of us to do sometimes.
We want to escape, we want to run, we want a 'Calgon take me a away' moment...
The problem is we always return to find that the things we most want to 'just go away' are still sitting there - making us feel stuck.
Jesus asked John to stay with him. Mary stayed with Jesus. Jesus stayed with Legion and sent the demons away. It seems like staying sometimes means we encounter the presence of 'More'...
It may be uncomfortable to stay. It may mean you have to face things you would rather leave at the bottom of your list forever.... but if I know anything, I do know that running away from problems never works.